i already hear my dad disowning me
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
