I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......