I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.