This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
