I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
