I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
