definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
