we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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