very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
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He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
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The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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