Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
You smell like stripper and shame
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
