Sry I called you an 8
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
handjob tips. give me some.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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