No awkward lesbian experiences without me
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
