She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
