Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
