I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
