i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
