for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
