Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
