I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
