normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
