If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
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We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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