Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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