im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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