okay pat passed out under dana's car
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
