Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
