pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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