My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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