i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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