I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
