So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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