So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
