I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
