We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
