You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
