my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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