Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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