No stitches, just platelets and will power
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
If I had your ass I would rule the world
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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