So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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