Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
