I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
