He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
