Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
