Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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