They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
