But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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