well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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