Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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