she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
