reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
