I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
