Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Randomize
