Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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