Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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