She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
