Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
