There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
