Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
