Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
