i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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