i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
just tell him i said nine months
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
