i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
