so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
