He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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