i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
