this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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