I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
