oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize