So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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