I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
